What's up with my body?

For the past few months I've been putting on a shocking amount of weight, despite my usual rigorous exercise regimen of chasing three insane children around. Strangely, the weight seems to congregate mostly in my middle, though it has also spread itself rather obsequiously over my entire body. And the concentration of weight in my middle has this alarming tendency to wiggle and attack me from within! I've also had heartburn, difficulty breathing, fatigue, and extreme moodiness.

Fortunately the doctor assures me that this condition, while life-changing, will last no longer than three more weeks. I'll have to go to the hospital to have the majority of the swelling removed in what will most likely be an extremely painful experience, but then my body will begin to gradually shrink back to its previous state of normalness.

But here's the weirdest thing: The doctor told me that I'm going to have to keep the cause of the swelling! And it's going to cry and poop! For years!!

Though, now that I think about it a little more, it seems this has happened to me three times before. And each time was one of the highlights of my life, so I guess this is all really a good thing after all. I think I'll call the little lump "Hannah."

And I will smile and possibly cry just a little too. : )